Welcome to sunny Bradenton Florida, where it rains two-thirds of the year. Ah yes, Cheery Bradenton, where you'll find no example of that pesky thing called hope. Yes it's Bradenton, trailer park capital of the world, where you'll find the perfect mix between that famous southern intelligence, and just enough money to keep it going. You'll find hours of enjoyment in gazing endlessly at our water--and wondering exactly why it's glowing and yellow. Do you love dancing in the rain? Then our magical city is for you, just don't stay in it too long, if you enjoy your skin that is. Tired of pride in your home town? Then come to Bradenton, where we avoid all talks of our great city. Tired of people knowing the place your speaking about? Come to Bradenton, where you'll forever be telling people you live close to Tampa. You'll love our historic landmark, the slave farm. Which happens to be directly across from one of our many wonderful convenience stores. You'll know them when you see ‘em, they're the ones with the thick steel bars on the windows. Can't stand the peace and quiet? Had enough of feeling safe? Move to Bradenton, where sirens can be heard on an hourly basis. You happen to be a criminal yourself? You've found home. Join the hundreds of crooks inhabiting our wonderful city, you've found your place in the world. Of course, that's not to say we don't have our share of decent citizens, you'll find all 12 of them living in a well secluded area, behind gates and lasers. So come and visit our fair city, we'll welcome you with open arms--and closed lists. Remember our slogan: Bradenton ... Leave those pesky things you call dreams at the door.